Realisation

My fat dog does this ceremonial walk when he needs to do his thing, paces in one direction, then the other, head down, full focus, until he’s found his perfect ‘spot.’ However odd it may seem, this daily ritual always makes me smile when I’m reaching in my pocket for a dog bag, however tiresome my day’s been.

I love my evening dog walk. Tonight’s sky was magical, huge candy floss clouds, rimmed in a fluorescent orangy, pink light.

An hour previously, my life was anything but serene: my LO was smashing his plastic boat into the side of the bath, and giggling uncontrollably when I told him calmly that, ‘we don’t do that.’

Parents need that 20 minute escape everyday, however and wherever they wish to take it. Being away from the manic monotony of the house makes you feel slightly more human, if that’s at all possible.

I must admit, the word monotony hung in my thoughts tonight as I watched my dog peeing up a neighbour’s wall. Is this it for me? Is this my life, forever? Will I ever travel again? Will I have get my six pack back? Will I ever eat a meal, undisturbed, ever again? Will I ever do anything, ever again, where I’m not rushing? Will I ever get a 12 kip in, ever again, will I?

Sometimes, when you’re feeling a little under the weather and craving a monster sleep, dwelling on the negatives of juggling being the best parent you can be with the 100 other responsibilities you have, can be completely overwhelming.

I’ve just started trialing a positivity thought exercise each day: it’s really helping manage these crazy thoughts and musings.

Before bed tonight, I’ll think about the best thing that’s happened in mummy land today. My LO’s chubby, bubble covered arms reaching for me in the bath. His toothy grin radiated happiness as he ordered happily, ‘cudul, mummy. Cudul.’

However all consuming parent hood is sometimes, clinging on to those special, magical moments is what you need to get you through.

#lottowinneeded

#whatif

#cudlecudle

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